How to Support a Family Member in Recovery

When someone you love is in recovery, or not there yet, the whole family feels it. Parents, partners, children and siblings carry the worry, the late-night calls and the questions nobody else seems to ask. This guide is for you.

1. Lead With the Relationship

The person is not the problem. They are someone you love who is dealing with something hard. The connection between you is one of the strongest things they carry into recovery. Protect it, even when you are angry, and especially when they are struggling.

Words matter here. Say “a person in recovery” or “someone who uses substances” instead of labels that turn a person into their struggle. Talk about what you see and how you feel, not who they are. For more, read how to talk about it.

2. Learn What Support Looks Like

Recovery support comes in many forms: treatment, meetings, medication, therapy, recovery coaches and community. Learning the options helps you ask better questions. Start with the difference between a recovery coach and a therapist, and read what a sober companion does if your loved one is coming home from treatment.

If your loved one is coming home soon, the first 72 hours after detox walks through what the first days can look like.

3. Set Boundaries You Can Keep

A boundary is about what you will do, not what they must do. “I will not give you cash, but I will pay for the bus pass.” “I will not lie to your boss for you.” “I will always pick up if you call and want help.”

Keep boundaries few, clear and true. A boundary you will not hold teaches everyone that your words do not count. Saying no to one thing and yes to staying connected can both be true.

4. Get Support for Yourself

You do not need your loved one to be in recovery to start getting support for yourself. Talking with other families helps you stay steady for the long run.

• →Learn to Cope: a peer-led support network for families in Massachusetts, with meetings across the state and online support.
• →Al-Anon and Nar-Anon: free family groups that meet in person and online.
• →SAMHSA's National Helpline: 1-800-662-4357, free, confidential and open every day, all day.

Some families also look into CRAFT (Community Reinforcement and Family Training), a researched approach that teaches families ways to encourage a loved one toward help while taking care of themselves. Ask a counselor or a family support group about it.

5. Keep Naloxone at Home

If opioids are involved, keep naloxone (Narcan) in the house and learn how to use it. Naloxone can reverse an opioid overdose. In Massachusetts, you can get naloxone at a pharmacy without a prescription, including for a family member, and nasal naloxone is also sold over the counter. Tell the people in the house where it is.

Keeping naloxone at home does not mean you expect the worst. It means you are ready.

6. Expect Setbacks, and Stay Connected

Recovery is rarely a straight line. Research from the National Institutes of Health compares return to use with other long-term health conditions: it can be part of the process, and it does not mean recovery has failed. It does mean the plan may need to change. A setback is a reason to reach out, not a reason to give up on each other.

After a stretch without using, tolerance drops, so a return to use can carry a higher risk of overdose. That is one more reason to keep naloxone close and keep talking.

When It Is a Crisis

If someone is not breathing, will not wake up, or you think they are overdosing, call 911 and use naloxone if you have it. If someone is thinking about suicide or is in emotional crisis, call or text 988.

How Insightful Recovery Solutions Supports Families

Insightful Recovery Solutions offers private, non-clinical support for families: clarity on how to help without taking over, and a plan the whole family can hold. The free community rooms are open to families too. Read what families brought to Somebody You Love, Session Two of The Chair Conversations.

Frequently Asked Questions